Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I'm sorry if i bum anyone out that reads this but usually i have everything under control. It's just that this past week i've been getting some very heavy feelings surrounding me. On top of that im sick as well so it doesn't help. And then my grandma was playing mind games (shes done this to me my whole life by the way) I wont get into what she was doing because it may seem petty to some, but if you knew her like i do you'd understand a little more. And then after she goes and treats me like crap basically she demands that i respect her. She doesn't understand why i get angry at her? If she didn't scream and yell like a mental patient all the time and be two faced with her own family then maybe she would get some respect. But how can you expect to be respected if you don't even give your family enough reason to trust you? Yesterday after she got in my face i flipped out so badly, i started throwing stuff all over the place. I threw a garbage can right into the kitchen where she was and everything. And i was just a mess yesterday going into work. I had to leave early from the job because when i started looking at the food i was getting nauseous and i knew i had to come home. Everything was just so screwed up yesterday, i was so upset that when my brother was on his school trip he told me he could feel my emotions all the way from there (were all pretty much very close and can tell when someone is upset and such). It's like, my grandma knows that we've all been through enough with the crap that my Mother gave us in the past. Why inflict more uneeded stress on everyone? My Father barely gets enough rest as it is, his nerves are shot from stress and work, and who wants to come home to more depressing shit? I know i dont. I just really cannot wait to move out of here with Cody. Just to get my life together, have a place for my siblings and my Dad to come crash if need be, and just have a place where i can feel calm and am not surrounded by negative energy. Again, i am so sorry if i bummed anyone out, i just really needed to vent because those events yesterday really made me feel bad. Because i rarely get angry like that and HATE to get like that. I just want peace you know? I just want some semblence of serenity. I know that life is hectic, but at the same time i want to have some kind of equilibrium through it. I hate the fact that im lying to my family about my sexuality, i hate the fact that i have to keep a religion that im willing to dedicate myself happily to a secret. I just feel very down right now. And again, i apologize to any of you who are reading this. I'm actually going to get going for a bit and just write or something. Take care everyone ♥