You know, its unlike anything you have ever thought possible when you really get hit with true love. All my life (and through possibly many many lives) I searched for just that one person who had atleast a little bit of everything i thought to be important in someone. And i found that in Cody. I swear, i have never ever EVER met anyone, or loved anyone who made me feel atleast half the way he does. It's a weird situation being that he lives in NY right now, so were technically still friends, but its pretty much a done deal that were together and stuff. And im just so glad that i got this chance to find someone like him. Its so rare that you find someone who you literally have EVERYTHING in common with. There are so many adult couples out there that probobly dont come close to what Cody and I have and its just so amazing. He is the only guy i literally could talk to the WHOLE day and not get bored or want to get off the phone with. Just everything about him amazes and astounds me. He is so sensitive and has a good sense of humor, he is independent and just strong, and i mean duh he's adorable to boot Lol. No im just so giddddy right now, this is how he makes me feel all the time. Its so electric i can't even describe it fully, you'd have to literally tap into my energy and feel what this guy does to me. Every inch of me is just off the walls with happiness. Its so rare that some people find their soul mates, other halves, twin flames, etc etc. And im glad i found mine, because i never thought i would ever find this much happiness with a person being that so many people let me down. But all he does is make me prouder and prouder of him every day, and even more happy to be his. If anything were to happen to him, i know a part of me would die inside. And idk its just so great. I know im just rambling but Its just amazing how i feel right now. I want to be with this guy forever & EVER & EVERRRRRR. I've never been so certain about anything relationship-wise as i am right now. And i know him and i will never be separated...and knowing that just makes me feel so comfortable. And when the day comes that everything is official and were moved in together, etc. It will just continue to get better and better i know it will.

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET! HAVE A HAPPY 4th of JULY EVERYONE! GET DRUNK,EAT,HAVE A GOOD TIME, THROW UP AND DRINK SOME MORE, AND ENJOY YOUR HANGOVERS ON THE 5th! LMAO JK NO SERIOUSLY ENJOY THIS DAY AND TAKE THE TIME FROM WHATEVER YOUR DOING TO REMEMBER WHAT ITS TRULY ABOUT! LOVE YOU GUYS

~Blessings

It's such a beautiful day for the occasion and alas i must work lol. But its alright, after work i'll be going out with some friends for some dancing and a few drinks. So celebrate this occasion beneath the light of that beautiful full moon out there with some spirit! Enjoy your day everyone!

Yes my friends, It has now been made official that Gay marriage has been legalized in the state of California. This is a small step compared to the whole rest of the country that is still left in the shadow of ignorance. But it is still a step forward into opening the door of possibility and maybe even opening a mind or two. Yes there will still be more bashing, and probobly ten times more heat on this discussion now that its legal...but the point is that we are staying true to ourselves...that is why we are being bashed...and why we have been bashed all along. Continue to fight, and be bashed...because the day that the mockery ends is the day that you stop being who you are. It's the day you give up and conform to their ideals of what is normal and taboo. Ahh yes friends this is indeed a wonderful day. Not just for the gay and lesbian community, but for anyone out there who has to deal with abuse for just simply being who they are. For being different, or "weird" or "a freak", etc etc. You've heard every insult im sure...Rejoice friends, and be glad.

Here, go read the article if you like:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080617/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage

Well my friends the highschool life is coming at an end for me and within a week i shall be graduating into a new stage of life as they say. I cannot believe how fast everything has gone. I remember coming into Pocono Mountain West Highschool as a freshmen thinking to myself, "geez, 4 years of this shit?" And now right before my eyes everything has zipped by and blasted me into this moment. This thin line between highschool and freedom into the next stage, level, and/or realm of my life. Hell, i mean i can remember just moving up here to P.A. when i was around 11 years old or so. And i remember crying the first night we moved here because i missed Brooklyn so much. I remember the snow falling depressingly out my window and piling outside, caving us in. I remember getting through middle school having to deal with bullies, abuse and other family issues, darkness, anger, love, light, struggle, sex and many other obstacles and pleasures(not all in middle school, but this was the breeding ground for things i've had to overcome). I remember my first boyfriend, and my first girlfriend. And oh the sweetness that did stem from both love affairs. The experience, the difference between each, the fondness for one another, and of course the plummet of each shooting star....getting burned as you would say.

But lets not dwindle too far, for the topic here is that of a new beginning. Before you ask, no i am not going to college....yet. Right now after highschool is over i plan to work and do music. Where i can both take care of my family and myself in both a financial, mental, and spiritual sense. I plan to read further and further into the craft and combat any feelings of doubt, guilt, or closure from the world around me and decisions within me. These are more resolutions as you would say. I plan to defeat the peering eyes and pointing fingers with nothing but the blood curdling screams of nonconformity and rebuttle. Always having the last word and always remaining a non violent protester (with a violent streak of course....but only if need be *wink*)  I plan to meet as many new people on my journey whether in the physical, spiritual, musical, sapphic, or male realms....among many more of course! This is my open door to a new world, with more things to explore and more time to do so. And by Goddess i am NOT letting anything get in my way. It's a hard road but i've spent a long time trying to make everyone else happy but myself, and now is the opportunity to do so. And i will do so admirably, passionately, and above all else - THOROUGHLY!

Thanks to all of you that i have met on here and future friends i will come to meet. You have all inspired me in your own little ways and you are all so beautiful and so unique that words cannot even describe what i see in each and every one of you. And apart from all my problems internally and externally, i feel like i have grown and will continue to grow stronger throughout each coming year. And i hope you'll all still be around to stand beside me and let me watch you grow with me as well. Goddess Bless you all!  (GRADUATION IS JUNE 14th!!! SO I'LL TRY TO GET SOME PICS ON HERE!!!!)

Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I'm sorry if i bum anyone out that reads this but usually i have everything under control. It's just that this past week i've been getting some very heavy feelings surrounding me. On top of that im sick as well so it doesn't help. And then my grandma was playing mind games (shes done this to me my whole life by the way) I wont get into what she was doing because it may seem petty to some, but if you knew her like i do you'd understand a little more. And then after she goes and treats me like crap basically she demands that i respect her. She doesn't understand why i get angry at her? If she didn't scream and yell like a mental patient all the time and be two faced with her own family then maybe she would get some respect. But how can you expect to be respected if you don't even give your family enough reason to trust you? Yesterday after she got in my face i flipped out so badly, i started throwing stuff all over the place. I threw a garbage can right into the kitchen where she was and everything. And i was just a mess yesterday going into work. I had to leave early from the job because when i started looking at the food i was getting nauseous and i knew i had to come home. Everything was just so screwed up yesterday, i was so upset that when my brother was on his school trip he told me he could feel my emotions all the way from there (were all pretty much very close and can tell when someone is upset and such). It's like, my grandma knows that we've all been through enough with the crap that my Mother gave us in the past. Why inflict more uneeded stress on everyone? My Father barely gets enough rest as it is, his nerves are shot from stress and work, and who wants to come home to more depressing shit? I know i dont. I just really cannot wait to move out of here with Cody. Just to get my life together, have a place for my siblings and my Dad to come crash if need be, and just have a place where i can feel calm and am not surrounded by negative energy. Again, i am so sorry if i bummed anyone out, i just really needed to vent because those events yesterday really made me feel bad. Because i rarely get angry like that and HATE to get like that. I just want peace you know? I just want some semblence of serenity. I know that life is hectic, but at the same time i want to have some kind of equilibrium through it. I hate the fact that im lying to my family about my sexuality, i hate the fact that i have to keep a religion that im willing to dedicate myself happily to a secret. I just feel very down right now. And again, i apologize to any of you who are reading this. I'm actually going to get going for a bit and just write or something. Take care everyone ♥